My Journey into Manhood.

The journey started a few months before high school ended back in the spring of 2004.  I was already legally a man at the age of eighteen while the mind had not caught up to the legality.  The journey started in a scary place filled with confusion, unpreparedness, and fear.  

a man legally, 

not ready for the challenge

was so ill prepared

Moving to California seemed a quick remedy for my stagnating maturity, hoping to learn the trade of life and grasp a better understanding from my father.  Learning the lesson of how to be a man from a man seemed indubitable.  The weather was beautiful, the interviews were rolling in, and my family was helping me.  I could almost grasp manhood in my hand, yet in this unfamiliar setting manhood seemed undesirable.  Missing the crowds, train sounds and bus stops, everything just a step away.  Family so close and so far, missing the concrete under my sole and the skyscraper filled streets manhood seemed inevitable but would come with a void. 

manhood will await

for a new journey is here

the void denies worth 

I came back to New York with a new vigor for the journey, more prepared than ever I yearned for independence and individuality.  I was in a place where I wanted to leave, I was still dependent with the same stagnation that was more apparent than ever.  My mother struck with cancer gave a motivation to take care of her, being a man was no longer my journey.  My reality was shifted, the weight of the world was on me and as if I had the strength, I had to pull my own weight.  

journey intervened

all seemed lost, though progress made

little did I know

Motivated by the will to support I lost my path.  My plans were lost and a new path was paved unknowingly.   As life went on responsibility came along with all attributes of manhood.  Unselfishness, realization of responsibility, and empathy were unconsciously becoming apart of me.  A new path was seen as I dove into institutions to better myself and the people around me in hopes of a better life.  Money was needed and sought but not important to me.  Material things were not needed to fulfill a good life.  Working hard and trying to make a good life was a good and fulfilling life to lead.  Intangible things like the happiness and wellness of others were my goal and before I knew it I was a responsible and respected man.

respect not searched for

manhood forgotten, who knew

life would itself - live